and now for the positives :)

Ok, not the positive personality traits, I'm a little too argh for that. It'd be way too short a blog lol. So this is more of a "everything thats good in life atm" blog. xD

I am thankful for...

• the Jo Hos:
  I wouldn't survive life and all its ups and downs without the girlies. Jo and Laura are awesomely supportive and seriously fun. From emergency hospital dashes to holding me hand during unpleasant, invasive procedures to picking kids up from school to dropping dinner off to supplying me with vodka when I ran out of time to get to the bottleshop to just about everything you can imagine. You guys rock.


• my online mates:
  I seriously spend way too much time online, but nothing beats an online D&M with someone who knows you really well and lets you get away with stupidity and QQness when you need to let it out. Frank, open, direct convos that cut to the bone... its great. What a support system!


• my family:
  Shocked? Atm, my parents and my siblings are being supportive and understanding. Weird as, but there you have it. And there's no passing my Nan who is quite simply the best, most loving, most supportive and most amazingly gutsy woman in the entire world. :D


• my two big kids:
  Laura is an extremely talented responsible young lady, albeit one with normal hormonal 13yr old girl tendencies lol. She's an awesome kid and I have no doubt she will be a confident, successful young woman one day. Zac... he's not as traditionally talented and not as responsible (lol)... but he has a heart of gold. He's very sensitive and very, very loving and compassionate to everyone, especially his baby brother and sister. While Laura talks of being a vet, Zac talks of being a dad one day... and therein lies all the differences!


• my two little kidlets:
  Ok, they drive me crazy often, thats a fact I'm not gonna sugar coat lol. They really really do. But considering the difficult pregnancies, the special care baby unit stays, and the succession of miscarriages I had before them... I feel so lucky and so blessed to have these two little healthy, full-of-beans, frustrating, demanding little devil spawn. Angels*. Noah is a very very active but very loving and very normal 2 year old boy, while Alana is the typical little sister trying to constantly outdo and outshine her big brother. Atm her temper tantrums are awesomely funny, but I'm sure the lols will subside as I try to work how to squash the behaviour lol. She'll even throw a tanty and try to pull Noah off his chair if she decides she wants to sit on that particular chair and not any of the other free ones. She's cute and still very little and babylike at 16mths, so all is forgiven... for now lol.


• my job:
  I'm only working on a casual basis atm, like 7 hours a week I think. But I forgot how much I enjoy working hands on with the school kids, so much fun. I actually like kids, its just my own that drive me batty. :)


• my relationship with Luke:
  Aside from needing to set boundaries so we dont keep accidentally hurting each other, we're doing really really well as friends and co-parents. Luke has really blossomed into fatherhood lately and its clear how well the kids are responding to him these days. I'm proud of him. He's still buying me flowers and presenting me with gifts (a heap of Dusk candles yesterday and the promise of some childfree time so I can have a relaxing bath, how awesome!), still offering massages and what not, still being really romantic and sweet, and still being extremely helpful around the house and with the kids. He needs to absolutely not spend money on me, thats really, really unnecessary, but at least he accepts that we're better off as friends and we're both moving on with that goal in mind. And yesterday's flowers, omg, I can smell them from here! They're beautiful! He is being really awesome atm and very, very understanding about where I'm at love-wise and self-wise. He has a beautiful soul and, having learnt from his mistakes, he will one day make an amazing husband for the right girl. We're gonna get friend tattoos sometime soon lol. Woot.


• PB:
  Not really sure what to say about Pete cos this issue is still in limbo I guess. He has been one of my best friends and the other half of my soul for a lot of years now. And for the first time ever, we're both single at the same time. We've admitted we still love each other and that the pull is still there, but we'll just take it slow and see how we go. There's a lot of past hurts, but theres also a lot of forgiveness and understanding. Omg theres a lot of kids too... the Brady Bunch without the secretly gay Dad... oh wait... nm. >.<


• my sense of self, my me'ness:
  I seem to have lost a lot of confidence, optimism and all round belief in my self in recent years. But fuck that, I'm back baby! I am irritating and obnoxious but I am also loyal and loving. And like I said in my previous post, if you don't like it, gtfo out of Jo'ville. :)

I am blessed. I am lucky. And I'm getting "me" back!!